Where them girls at? My dating history and rant about online dating in the 21st century – part 1!


Caption: A typical online dating profile picture.  Here, I was actually dying my hair and decided to have some fun while I was waiting for the dye to settle in.

Friday, June 1st, 2017

Ok so this is something that needed to be done awhile ago and so recent events have prompted me to do so…a rant…on online dating and my history with it.  Obviously it’s going to be tougher for me as I am a lesbian and don’t have the same amount of people to choose from (though thankfully, I probably have met a lot less weirdos than most straight girls…haven’t met any weirdos, actually), but I am still surprised how hard it is to meet genuine people online.  I started out on POF when I was 17, so it’s understandable that no one probably wants to go out with a 17 year old unless they prove they’re super mature, so I’ll give the girls credit with that.  I finally had my first date in October 2015 when I was 18 – which was amazing and involved my parents phoning the police as I was supposed to be home at 9pm but ended up coming home at 1pm…oops.  Yeah, they wanted to kill me.  I had my second one a month later with a hot little Mexican girl (after hanging out at Starbucks and The Bay Centre and finally kissing in a massage chair, we went back to her dorm at St Michael’s School had a makeout sesh in her friend’s room. I learned later…she ended up having a boyfriend!!!) and then a whole bunch of them in my second semester of college in 2016; basically for about 3-4 months I was going on a weekly date.

It was nuts, luckily my four classes weren’t too crazy otherwise my grades may have slipped, or I just wouldn’t have went out that much.  I went out with a nice girl from UVic in February, we had a good chat at Murchie’s downtown and went for a walk.  Funny enough she actually was in the same program that I’m going into in September (Biopsychology), so we talked a lot about brains and stuff; a week later, we went out on a second date and drove around in her car.  She didn’t seem like the horny-sex-driven-type so I decided that maybe I’d take things slow and not kiss her yet.  While doing the typical relationship-status-check on Facebook I saw that she was in a domestic partnership with some girl, so I thought maybe that she had just wanted to be friends as she seemed to genuine to be a cheater.  In months to come she expressed that she was too busy with her final year in UVic to date and acknowledged that her Facebook status was just a fun thing with her friend; she was single.  We kinda lost touch, but at least she was sweet.

The fourth date I went on was with a girl from OkCupid all the way out at the Royal Oak Starbucks (I also worried my Mom with this one because I was out so far…), which was nice but she ended up deleting her OkCupid account and blocking me on Facebook the next day.  This was the first time that that happened to me, so I was super sad and upset – not because I was head-over-heels for her or anything, but because it just seemed plain mean and rude.  As I still thought I was bisexual at the time (honestly I don’t know WTF I am…maybe I should just make up my own sexuality/identity like everyone else these days, the numbers just keep growing – there’s like 20 and counting or something.), I had my Tinder set to both guys and gals so decided to look for a guy. I came across a good looking Indian guy and with in about 15 messages, we had a date set up for the next week.  We met downtown and walked for a bit and within about 15 minutes were making out. Typical guys making the first move, I wish girls were like that.  We went to dinner and had a nice chat, he was a year older than me and seemed quite nice.  After we walked around again and kissed but I noticed he started to seem a little attachy.  Then he wouldn’t stop messaging me.  I had to keep telling him I was too busy (as I was) with school; we eventually met up for a walk about a month later as he lived a few streets down from me.  We made out again and he was getting kind of horny so I went along with it…our “date” ended up with us both naked and I got BJs off my bucket list.  He didn’t want to go down on me because he couldn’t take the 2cm of pubic hair I had…what a man…we didn’t have sex because one, neither of us had condoms, and two I didn’t just want to bang a dude I’d met twice.  I found I wasn’t really that into him as he was immature and a bit of a “fuckboy” as kids say these days.

The next date I had was probably one of the few that I could say was kind of bad.  She was a girl from Tinder that I was talking to that lived in Nanaimo and expressed interest in coming down to go on a date, so I thought that was quite sweet.  We walked around downtown (like 90% I do on dates it seems) and then went for dinner at the Romeo’s near my house.  I paid because I really appreciated her coming down the island to see me.  We ended up going back to my place (she was going to stay over due to the long drive back up island), unfortunately my parents were home and refused to get out of the living room so we ended up awkwardly chatting in my kitchen.  At one point, I leaned in to kiss her and it ended up being a sloppy half-cheek-half-lip kiss.  She was a little taken aback and was like “I usually don’t kiss on dates”, and I was like “oh, sorry.”  I was pretty embarrassed, and surprised because she acted like adventurous and almost kinky when we were chatting on Tinder.  We then started to watch a horror movie on Netflix in my bedroom and then she left within a half an hour to go to her sister’s place in town.  So turns out she didn’t come down for me, she had planned to go see her sister anyways and just used me to get a free meal.  I was pissed off.  Next Tinder date was a regular old Starbucks date with a redhead girl, not bad, but not great; she deleted me on Tinder.

So that was it for February…March, I had my first hookup with a girl from the queer women dating app “HER”.  She was a bicurious Turkish chick that kept bugging me to buy a dildo and bang her – I did eventually buy a strap on (more on that at a later date!), but not before I met her – so I eventually agreed that I’d hook up with her; at the time, I figured what the hell, I’m bored and might as well get some experience with the ladies. We both were in school, so we planned to meet up at Starbucks during the week. One day at school, I was studying with my friend (who happened to be madly in love with me – more on that later too!) and told him I was going to go home between classes.  He wanted to come with me, so I told him that I wasn’t going to be studying I needed to shower and get some food prep done.  Eventually after I was running out of valid excuses to let him down easy, I flat out told him that I wanted to be alone.  So I met the girl at Starbucks and we walked up the hill to my place and went into our guest bedroom and I got on top of her and we started making out.  Soon enough, I took the brave dive down under and started eating her out.  I found I actually didn’t mind vagina (for awhile, even when I new I liked women, I couldn’t imagine myself ever doing this) although at some point I found she did taste kinda bad and almost gagged.  I fingered her as well and she really liked it, came a bunch of times…we took a break and then I made her orgasm again.  I was really surprised that I was any good at all.  Unless she was faking it; both are probable outcomes, but I’ll opt for the former.  After I went to physics class with little smirk and sex hair, that was my first “one-day stand.”

I know you’re probably dying for more because my dating history has been SOOO interesting (obviously I’m joking.), but it’s already 11:03am and I’ve not done jacked shit this morning besides eat a bunch of blueberries, drink coffee and write this blog so I’ll continue with a part two sometime this week or next.

Since TTM is not relevant anymore my new sign off shall be “tumhen pyaar!”  which is Hindi for “Love you!” – a tribute to my multiple Indian friends and for the fact that I do have universal love for the humans on this planet, even the not so good ones – in the sense that I hope all individuals of this world can better them selves and live happy and productive lives.

Tumhen Pyaar!

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